i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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