absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
