My balls are so social today.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
