Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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