So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
