he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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