whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
