I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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