either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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