i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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