You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
