I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
