I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
