Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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