i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
