Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
