I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
