had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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