yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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