When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
