she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
