Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
