The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
