if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
