Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
