Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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