just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
