I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
