We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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