he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
