Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
