The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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