i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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