I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
