oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
