I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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