and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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