Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
