and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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