Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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