She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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