someone get that fucking seahorse.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
