Cold hands, warm shart.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
