Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
