And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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