Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
