i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Also, beer. Big fan.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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