Duck Duck Cougar?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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