I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
