I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
