you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize