"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
pop tarts are not kleenex
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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