Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
