I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
