i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
