I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My vagina just clenched in fear
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize