Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
