He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
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Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He did a backflip because drugs
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