Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sorry about my life...
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