Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
