I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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