I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
