we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
