Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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