Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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