I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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