i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
