I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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