she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
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