One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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