youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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