I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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