I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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