the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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