It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
