I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
