I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
