Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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