how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
