not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
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What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
we're so committed to being not committed
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