I cut my penus on the lid.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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